Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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