if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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