just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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