There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
