you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
