she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
