I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
