and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I am spending my child support on dildos
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
