so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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