Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
