After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
