So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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