he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
