Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
