Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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