Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
