he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
