We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
