weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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