i think my mom watched the whole time
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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