I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
