so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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