I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
