I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
