she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize