at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize