Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
