one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Come see our sink grown plant.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
