my phone needs a breathalizer
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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