Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
