How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
