im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
