hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
