Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
