I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
