I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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