I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
