Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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