Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize