my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize