I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
