3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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