Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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