So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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