apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
