i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
