when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
