this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
