We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
