May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
