oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize