I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
