Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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