I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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