i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
