Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
