Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
