bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
