i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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