Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Randomize
