I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
