He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
