I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize