That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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