i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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