she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
