DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
