You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's never too late to be topless.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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