before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
