how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
