This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
