He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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