covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
