I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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