oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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